Let Love Rule
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Martin Luther King, Jr.
Love is a complicated thing. There probably is not a subject that has been more idolized, scrutinized, and demonized than love. It’s no wonder we tend to steer clear of the topic at best and bash it at worst. Yet, as we all face into more crises in our world, it seems to be there is a crisis of love that is most at hand.
There are literally millions of songs, movies, stories, and images that hold love as its central theme, going back to the earliest traces of humanity. It has been said that love is the greatest force there is in the universe. Despite this, we don’t seem any closer to collectively harnessing its power to unite us. In fact, in the US, we seem more divided than ever as hate is having a new day in our streets, in our communities, and in our workplaces.
In unprecedented times, we need bold and visionary ideas. I would like to offer one that we all can begin to practice immediately: Let Love Rule.
To let love rule, we first need to have a common understanding of what love is. Not an easy task given the volumes of content in the arts, humanities, religion, and social sciences, but I would like to offer a definition of love that comes from an interdisciplinary study of human behavior.
In the book Power vs. Force, the late David Hawkins, MD tells us about how we as human beings express energies that are typically more negative (through use of force) and those that are more positive (through use of power). We all inherently hold an abundant amount of personal power potential as human beings. If we can harness and channel our personal power in positive and constructive ways, we can contribute to a proactive, healthy, life-giving energy in the world. In contrast, if we use force, we are generally expressing from a place of perceived lack, scarcity, and/or threat, which leads us toward more defensive, unhealthy, life-taking energy in the world.
As an example of this contrast, think of the difference when we fully express love (power energy) vs. hate (force energy). Love is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing, and supportive (Hawkins, 2012). Hate is most often expressed through anger, resentment, and revenge and is, therefore, volatile and dangerous. Both human expressions hold a tremendous amount of energy and can pack quite a punch, but with two very different outcomes. The generative nature of love means there is a healing effect associated with it, while hate and anger never truly heal and can, in fact, contribute to deeper wounding depending on its frequency and potency.
As a fundamental part of the human experience, Martin Luther King, Jr. intuitively knew this at a deep and systemic level. His words posted at the top of this article have no expiration date, and they are as fresh, poignant, and as relevant as they have ever been.
Isn’t it high time to embrace and cultivate love more generously in all parts of our life? It doesn’t have to be complicated, and you don’t even have to get comfortable saying “I love you” or even using the word “love” (though that certainly helps). It can be as simple as looking at your fellow human being - whoever they are, whatever skin color they have, and whatever they are expressing – and take a forgiving, nurturing, and supportive stance.
Here is a practice you can use to cultivate more of a loving response to any person and/or event that triggers an angry response in you. This practice is best completed as soon possible after you experience an angry reaction, and in the sequence outlined below. If you have a journal, it helps quite a bit. Writing is healing and you will also start to keep a log of your patterns – very useful data. Take a deep breath and keep deepening your breath throughout the practice to slow the body’s stress response.
Notice. Simply notice you are having a reaction. Our reactions are so automatic, we don’t even know we are having them. You can get great cues from your body: check muscle tension, breath pace, and the amount of “heat” you feel (blood pressure indicator). Also, sometimes we behave in ways that are not consistent with who we want to be and noticing those behaviors and the impacts they are having are important.
Name. Label the reaction as “I am angry”. Better yet, get more accurate by using more descriptive words like “furious”, “outraged”, “irritated” which give more shading to the severity of your response. Also, try to articulate the thoughts you are having that are fueling the response (as honestly and truthfully as you can; even if you don’t like what you are thinking).
Accept. Perhaps the hardest step is to simply stand in your response, hold it, and accept you are having the reaction without judgement. Even better is to lovingly offer grace to yourself. You are human, and humans have angry responses fueled by thoughts they don’t want to admit. By cultivating self-love for our angry response, we are more likely to react more lovingly with compassion to others’ angry responses.
Release. A human being is wired to experience an emotion for only six seconds (Pert, 1997). Beyond that, we are choosing to hold onto the emotion to satisfy ego and/or identity needs. Find a way to let go of the emotion in a healthy way, with the guiding principle of “do no harm to self and/or others”. Try not to suppress the emotion. It may get buried this time, but it stays in you and will come back at some point – possibly when you least expect.
Envision and Experience. Generate a love response within yourself. If it helps, think about a person, place, or situation in which you felt the most unconditional loving support you have ever felt in your life. Envision that moment and re-create the warm, safe feeling associated with that. Or, think of a song, story, image, or metaphor that creates the experience. The energy from love truly emanates from the heart, so you will most likely feel warmth in your chest radiating outward as a good body indicator.
As with any practice, it takes repetition to change. It will take time, and you will still have angry responses. But the more you practice letting love rule you and your life, the more you will experience love driving out hate in your own parts of the world.
REFERENCES
Hawkins, D. R. (2013). Power vs. force. Hay House, Inc.
Pert, C. B. (1997). Molecules of emotion: Why you feel the way you feel. Simon and Schuster.