The Universal Medicine
“Hold only love, only peace in your heart, knowing that the battle of good to overcome evil is already won.”
We dreaded going back home. Somehow we had found the magical escape we were seeking. After four hard months under the mental strain of living in shelter-in-place, social distancing, masking, and other safety precautions, we had found a beautiful isolated place on a lake near the Canadian border. No people around us, no fear-based news, and plenty of natural social distance created by Mother Nature. For a week, we had been able to let go of the invisible dangers around us and forget about neighbors and community members who are not near as diligent as us in managing themselves through the pandemic environment. “How can they be so careless and irresponsible?” we would think. “They don’t care about anyone but themselves”, “this isn’t fair to us”, and “we can’t trust them” are all things we said and felt before our trip. As we packed the car for the long drive home from our magical escape, we could feel the tension rising inside of us before we even left the driveway of our rental home, anticipating a return to stressful co-existence.
After the long drive home in which we floated in and out of our own self-inflicted suffering, we arrived in our driveway to a very different reality than we had in our minds. We gazed at the plants in our yard and noticed that they had fresh droplets on them from a recent watering, and we knew it had not rained for days. We also discovered that someone had kindly tended to our trash and recycling pick-ups, despite us not having asked anyone to do that while we were gone. Packages had arrived while we were gone, and both sets of neighbors, being mindful of thefts occurring around us regularly, thoughtfully took them into their homes until we arrived. And, the greatest surprise of all, the next morning we found our front door decorated with a heart to wish my wife and a happy anniversary. My wife and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes, recognizing the warm-heartedness around us that we had chosen to not see in a time when we all need it most. As it turns out, we didn’t need to escape our neighbors; we needed to escape ourselves.
All of us, to some degree, are longing for something different these days. Make no bones about it: it is a highly stressful time that is testing all of our resilience. But, what our family experience reminded us is how much we create our own stress - and frequently where it is not needed. Indeed, it is a truth that each of us lives in our own body as an individual being, and therefore each of us is responsible for the creation of our own thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors. In a very real way, we create our own suffering. This can be a perspective that is both disturbing and empowering.
In citing ancient wisdom teachings that is now backed by modern neuroscience research, Rich Hanson (2020) discusses the nature of our suffering coming primarily from our attachments. In brief, there are four objects of attachment (p. 102):
pleasures (which can include avoiding pain)
views (such as opinions, beliefs, and expectations)
rites and rituals (which includes our daily routines, schedules, as well as rules we follow)
self-identity (who we believe we are; our sense of our “fixed” personality)
Throughout his new book Neurodharma: New Science, Ancient Wisdom, and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness, Hanson shows us how our brains are wired to perceive threat and avoid harms. This leads us to engage in a wide variety of self-protective behaviors fueled by any one or combination of these attachments. What are the underlying drivers of these attachments? Simply put, there are two, both of which tend to occur outside of our conscious awareness (i.e., they are hidden):
(1) Our sense of unmet needs. In building on decades of research of human development, Richard Barrett (2020) reminds us of the three basic needs of human motivation: survival, relationships, and self-esteem. If we have a sense that any of these needs are not adequately met, we engage the brain’s stress response, which leads us toward attachments.
(2) Our mindset. Carol Dweck (2006) succinctly illustrates the significant difference between the life experience of those who hold a fixed mindset - the belief that things are unchanging and/or fixed - and a growth mindset - the belief that things are changing and changeable. Fixed mindsets are based in a more self-protective stance, and therefore lead toward attachments.
So we are all wired for threat, and therefore are only looking out to protect ourselves. Right? Well, this is only partially true. Neuroscience now shows us what ancient wisdom and spiritual traditions have always aimed to teach: that we are capable of living a life of love and compassion. This kind of life requires us to actively change our brains, which neuroscience clearly shows is possible (Hanson, 2020). And, as it turns out, there is no better vehicle to do this than practicing mindful meditation.
Here’s another truth: you don’t have to be devoted to any particular religion to practice mindful meditation. When you look at it through the lens of neuroscience, it can be very clearly seen as an exercise designed to build your mental muscle. When you meditate, you are physically altering your brain. It is just like any physical exercise you might perform, such as running, lifting weights, or riding your bike.
Further, what you place your mind’s focus on matters a lot. Take my own story shared above as an example. Before arriving home from our trip, our minds were attached to a perspective about our neighbors being selfish and uncaring. However, our minds were able to shift that perspective after experiencing such caring warmth from our neighbors. Since returning home, we are now noticing a different life experience in seeing our neighbors through the lens of love and compassion. This also helps us to hold behaviors we disagree with more fully without feeling threatened ourselves.
This brings us to the most salient point of the article: the undeniable power of love to transform everything. Hanson (2020) calls love the “universal medicine…[that]… helps us feel safer, more satisfied, and more connected-remarkably, whether it is flowing in or flowing out” (p. 115). This is what my family experienced in our return home, and every day since we have engaged in daily practices of love and compassion. And, I cannot help but think about what might be possible in the world if we all let go of our own attachments to make room for more love and compassion in our lives.
I leave you with a meditation script from Rick Hanson (p. 75) that you can practice yourself to jump-start the rewiring of your brain. Begin by simply finding a quiet place to be still for just a few minutes. Close your eyes, and deepen your breath, eventually leading to a slow, steady rhythm. You might place your hand on your heart. Then, let these words wash over you.
Meditation on Compassion and Kindness
Bring to mind one or more beings you feel good around… a friend, a family member, a pet… who appreciates you, likes you, perhaps loves you… focusing on the good feelings you have around them… If your attention moves to situations or issues, return your focus to the simple feeling of being with those who care about you… Open to these feelings, receiving them into yourself.
Choose a friend or family member, someone you like, perhaps love. While holding this being in your heart, explore saying these phrases to yourself:
“May you be safe… May you be healthy… May you be happy… May you live with ease.”
Be aware of the warm feelings… You can try other words… or simply rest in wordless caring and good wishes.
Now try this with a neutral person, perhaps a neighbor or coworker, or passing stranger in the street. Repeat the same words above…holding this person in your heart.
Now try this with yourself, repeating the words above directed toward you.
Now try this with someone who is challenging for you, starting with someone who is only mildly so. It might help to imagine the core of this person, beneath the characteristics that are challenging, or perhaps this person as a child, even a very young child. We can have compassion and good wishes for people we disagree with or disapprove of. Repeat the words above, holding this challenging person in your heart.
Now simply rest in compassion and kindness…rest in warmth and goodheartedness…and perhaps love… love sinking into you and you sinking into love.
REFERENCES
Barrett, Richard (2020). The Seven Levels of Personal Consciousness. Retrieved from https://www.valuescentre.com/wp-content/uploads/PDF_Resources/Barrett_Model_Articles/Seven_Levels_of_Personal_Consciousness.pdf.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House Digital, Inc.
Hanson, Rick (2020). Neurodharma: New Science, Ancient Wisdom, and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness. Harmony Books, New York, NY.
Hanson, Rick (2020). Neurodharma Online Program. Retrieved from https://www.rickhanson.net/teaching/neurodharma-online-program/