We Weave the Web Together
“A human being is part of a whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. (We) experience...thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of (our) consciousness.”
Regardless of how you experienced the global pandemic over the past few years, one thing that became astounding clear is the universal truth of how interconnected we are with each other, and with the natural world we live in. I invite you to focus on a principle that has been taught by wisdom traditions for centuries, and now modern sciences like quantum physics and ecology are increasingly proving to be true (Wigglesworth, 2014). Life co-exists as interconnected parts of a collective whole. Translated into human terms, that means all of the energy we create as a single human being - our thoughts, emotions, impulses, and actions - has an impact on the whole. Contrary to many of our beliefs that we are isolated beings on an island, quite the opposite is true. Each of us, you and I included, are part in a larger system of systems that we both shape and are shaped by. Here is a simple visual that illustrates this concept, inspired by Barrett (2010):
A spider web is a useful metaphor from the natural world that helps to bring this concept of systems to life. When anything comes in contact with a spider web, anywhere on its surface, the whole web moves. Yet a spider web has an amazing strength and can withstand strain many times greater than its weight. It’s the spider web’s resiliency, the ability to be strong yet flexible, that allows it to maintain its integrity. Further, while spider webs are often invisible to the observer, they still go on functioning in their interplay of movement and stability (O’Neill, 2011).
If we think of our current life context as an interconnected web that we all weave together, then it becomes possible for us to see more clearly how we as individual human beings contribute to the conditions we are a part of. Suddenly, in this light, there is no “they” or “other”, and therefore no one to blame outside of ourselves. Indeed, if you spend any time learning how interdependent systems really work (think even in terms of a car engine as a concrete example), you will realize that it is the interplay of the parts that determine the output and performance of the whole. There is no one root cause of problems that arise, but rather a systemic failure that contributes to it (Meadows, 2008).
Bring this back to our every day life experience as an individual. If I am now somehow a part of what I am seeing outside of myself, then I can begin to claim responsibility for what part I own in what I am experiencing. If I don’t like the way someone or some institution is acting, my first reaction might be to get angry, anxious, or fearful, and I might have a tendency to project blame on this “other” for “making me feel this way”, or to act in self-protection. The truth is that each of us has control only of one being in the web of life - yourself. How you carry yourself is the energy you create in the whole.
To solve our problems in any context, start with self. Get courageous and curious about what is going on for you especially when triggered by the behavior or actions of another person or institution. Deeply inquire into how your own perspectives, thoughts, emotions, impulses, and behaviors are affecting the larger whole. It can be overwhelming for many to comprehend your part in the global context, so start with your immediate systems that you are directly a part of (like family, team, organization, and/or local community). The next time somebody or some institution triggers a stress response in you, use these reflection questions to guide your thinking:
What am I personally experiencing right now? What are my thoughts, feelings, impulses, and body sensations?
What about this person’s / institution’s behavior affects me this way?
What part are they showing that I do not want to see in myself?
How might my own views, beliefs, and behaviors contribute to the social interaction we are experiencing?
What might I need to shift inside of me that could lead to a different, more life-giving dynamic?
After recognizing that you are indeed affected by, and a part of, the movement of the social web, invite yourself to strengthen the web through the lens of empathy. Instead of defensive responses (which reinforces the myth of separation) choose to see and feel (in the heart) another’s perspective within yourself. Use these questions to guide your reflection:
What is going on with this person / institution that causes them to act this way?
What pain or wounding might they have experienced in their life that has contributed to their perspective and behavior?
What part of them may not have felt safe, seen, heard, loved, or honored?
How might I want to be held if I am experiencing this myself?
How can I shift myself to be able to hold this perspective with unconditional loving regard?
There’s one more point about a spider web that is important to know. While a web can withstand tremendous pressure and disruption, it is still quite delicate and vulnerable. It has a breaking point and can be destroyed through loss of integrity, strength, and beauty (O’Neill, 2011). I invite you to recognize the delicate nature of the web we are part of in the hopes that you appreciate how important your part in this truly is. May you fortify the whole by finding your own sense of integrity and beauty, while remaining strong AND flexible.
REFERENCES
Barrett, R. (2010). The new leadership paradigm: Leading self, leading others, leading an organization, leading in society.
Meadows, D. (2008). Thinking in systems: a primer, ed. Diana Wright. White River Junction, Vt: Chelsea Green.
O'Neill, M. B. A. (2011). Executive coaching with backbone and heart: A systems approach to engaging leaders with their challenges. John Wiley & Sons.
Wigglesworth, C. (2012). SQ21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence; SelectBooks. Inc.: New York, NY, USA.